We all have certain lies we tell ourselves, because they are just easier than facing the truth. One of the most common – one I share with most of the people I’ve met – is the idea that we make time for the things we love. It’s a flawed idea at it’s very core, and the more I’ve watched it affect my own life, the more I’ve come to realize how terribly harmful this idea really is.
We all have 24 hours each day.
The first problem is one of reality. Obviously none of us ever “makes” time; we all have just as much time each day – 24 hours, no more and no less. There are infinite ways we can spend that time, countless ways to subdivide it out, but in the end it passes at a steady rate whether we want it to or not. No one ever “made time” or “found time.” Second by second, breath by breath, we do the only thing we can.
We “use time.”
We don’t always do the important stuff.
I hear a lot of people say that “If it’s important to me, then I’ll do it.” Or, the opposite: “I didn’t get around to it, so it must not be that important to me.” I can personally attest that this has absolutely no bearing in reality. There are a lot of reasons we do the things we do – obvious, and not.
In my own life, I watch a lot of TV mysteries. I don’t watch so many because they are the best possible use of my time. I don’t watch them because I have a passion for the art form (though I enjoy them well enough.) I watch them because they fit well into the dance pattern I’ve made of my day. I can watch them while I bake, while I exercise, and while I clean the house. They don’t interrupt any of these activities, and so they are given the opportunity to occupy a (disturbingly) large part of my waking life. They are a form of multi-tasking that makes me more likely to do other good things without resistance.
Because resistance is key, don’t you doubt it.
I love writing. I have a genuine passion for it, and real joy and flow that takes over once I’ve gotten myself started and things are beginning to roll along. Still, I almost never want to start writing. I tell myself I’m not in the mood, I convince myself I need time to prepare, or I decide it’s just plain hard. These excuses are almost always bunko. The truth is that some part of me believes that the last time was the only time and that it will never be that good again. Some part of me pushes away my passions because it is frightened of the sensations they offer. Some part of me would rather play another game of Solitaire with my precious limited time than risk exposing that piece of my soul to daylight yet again.
Sometimes, that part wins. Sometimes, I – the real I, the one that cares about who I want to be – win instead. The best way to be sure I win is to develop a routine, a habit that makes “writing time” mindless and automatic…and let’s me off the hook, if I need it, when writing time has passed. But I have to take control of the matter. It’s not enough, simply to believe that if you want it badly enough, it will happen.
You can’t have it all.
There will always be compromises with your time. No matter how efficient you are, no matter how careful or financially free, there is still only so much time available to you each day. You’re going to have to pick your priorities, and you’re going to have to accept the consequences. It doesn’t matter if it is a novel unwritten, a dinner date cancelled, or an income lost…something will have to give.
The good news is that there is a lot of time. It’s not infinite, no, but you can make the most of those daily hours. Decide what is most important to you, and don’t try to slot those priorities in around your life. Instead, try to find ways to slot the rest of your life in around those priorities. Are you most productive in the the mornings? Then perhaps you could find an afternoon shift at work so that you have time to write that book. Do you like to paint in long marathon sessions? Why not do your housework a little at a time throughout the week, to leave big sections of weekend free for the canvas? Do you get drowsy after dinner? Try pushing dinnertime back and hour to give you more alert time with the kids.
You can’t have it all. Not every waking moment can be devoted to the all-out pursuit of your passions. But you can get the important stuff wedged in there first, if you approach life with intention.
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